I've cried everyday this week...

I still ended up putting myself through it...
Some part of me was STILL holding onto the notion that things were actually going to get better.
I kept thinking that the effort he was making was a good place to start.
Everytime he told me he wouldnt give up on us, everytime he held me, I felt better.. It's what kept me there. After everything I've put myself through, after all the time that has past, I'm hurting just as I did in the beginning of it all. I have not let myself move on. I understand that people go back and forth all the time, that it takes time.. I get it.. I just have so much sadness and anger building up inside me.
What I feel is ugly. I dont even know how to describe it. I almost hate myself for loving him. Im disgusted that I do. I regret even letting him back into my life the slightest bit after I found out everything he did before. I feel fooled. I feel like the love I was given was cheap. I feel everything I felt all over again. The decisions he has made over the past month, have repulsed me. He has steered me further away from  trusting him, from loving him.. He has showed me exactly what I'm worth to him.
He told me he was tired of fighting and all the drama. So I just stopped talking. My words never got me anywhere. My words, my feelings were never heard.
Im tired too. Im tired of being disappointed. Im tired of getting hurt over and over again.
I used to drive myself crazy thinking about what he was doing and who he was with, and why he did what he did. Now I've come to see that I don't need to think. I know in my heart that what I think is probably true. When people ask me why we broke up, I used to steer clear of saying he cheated on me, I would avoid the answer. I didn't want them to think badly of him. Now Im ready to just accept that he is a cheat. Regardless of who he cheated on me with or if he even did then, he cheated my heart. There is no possible way that someone who loved me, the way I loved them, someone who wanted to prove to me that I could trust them, would choose to do the very things that upset me and drive me away.
You make sacrifices for those you love and those sacrifices are worth everything in the end.