Still conflicted as ever

Soooooo... I've been partying quite a bit. I don't know if its because I missed being out in the nightlife and the scene or if its because I'm trying to suppress a sadness of some sort. Reflecting on my past relationship, I think about how messed up I felt and how my life was turned upside down. It's been 7 months.. 7 months that we have been apart yet still connected. I know the heart wants what the heart wants, but is my heart ok? I cant figure out if I want to be his again?! I don't know if I can do it. Some part of me thinks its dumb to put myself through it all over again. Another part of me can see what progress he has made and his strive to make me happy. I'm still conflicted and as usual I just don't know...
xoxo