So I haven't written in 6 days.
I've just been going through the motions for those past 6 days. I guess it's probably been harder for me, because we still lived together. The fact that he was in the other room, made me just want to be near him. I've always just wanted to be in his heart. He used to always say that he cared about me and loved me wayyy more than I did. I would always answer "impossible." You know what?! I was right, it was impossible! His heart was never in it! When everything went down, I told him all the things I needed and my thoughts on how we needed to change. He ignored ALL of it and did the opposite, with no regard of how it would affect me. I guess no matter how many times I can say it, it doesn't matter if the other person isn't in it too. When Valentines day rolled around, it was really devastating. He had slept with me the day before and then went to work. I didn't expect any gifts or anything, but I did expect him to express something to me.After 3 and 1/2 years together, he had nothing to express. Its a commercialized day to celebrate those you love. Oh he showed me how much he loved me alright. When I asked him if he was coming home and if he wanted to hang out together, he said it doesn't matter... so i went out. I could feel he didn't want to be with me. He didn't return home that night till 6am. He was just using me. Im tired of being taken advantage of, of being taken for granted and being treated this way. He has showed me that what he has been doing is far more important than me and our relationship. After a long struggle, he has taken most of his things and left, well at least I think. When I came home to the apartment, I felt a relief, I would no longer have to subject myself to wanting to be close to him. I already feel a little better having him gone.