Today it's hard to be positive.

I just want my life back. All I did today was think. I can't stop thinking about why he did this to me. All he can say to me is " your never going to get past this, I don't know what you want me to do.." Frankly I don't know what he can do. Still, I feel as though he isn't sorry or hurting. Im hurting so bad and he fucking gets no pain, no suffering, no punishment. What kind of shit is this.  

Before I met my boyfriend, I was exceptionally free spirited. I do admit he made me happy once, but at this moment my thoughts about him are very clouded. I can't see any of the good. If you were to examine my relationships, you'd find that as soon as I brake up with one, I jump right into the next. I cant say that any of my past boyfriends were truly what I wanted. I always settled. I recognize now that I just wanted someone to care about me. Doesn't everyone though? I wonder if I'm sticking around because I just cant bear to be alone? Although I already feel alone.. 
I'm alone right now in fact. I'm back from work and he's out. He's always going out without me. I know that I don't care to do some of the things he's doing but I wish he'd want to take ME out. Maybe I'm just jealous that he has so many friends to go out with all the time and I really don't have many friends. Or maybe I'm just making excuses. I deserve to be taken out and spoiled and that's one thing I can say that my boyfriend doesn't know how to do.