Missing photos

I didn’t take a single picture of me holding my baby when he was born. I have maybe two pictures of me holding him for the first three months of his life. I didn’t want to be photographed because I felt terrible about the way I looked. Those photos could of been just for me and not for social media and now, I regret having taken none. This new year, I hope to take more photos of my son and I. I also will try to document more of his milestones, because I’ve been poor at doing so thus far. He is only a year old but I look back at his photos and think about how much he has grown. I want to be able to have all these memories captured without fearing that the photos look bad. This need to have perfect photos has really made it difficult to enjoy the moment itself. I get so wrapped up in the perfect shot that I either don’t take any or put a lot of pressure on taking the perfect one. I didn’t even send a family Holiday card because I was afraid of being judged and I thought my photos didn’t look good enough. It’s crazy how much this has affected me.